Today is the official New Year for the Indians. Today, i woke up thinking that i have to make some changes in my life before starting fresh. I know it sounds weird to star fresh in April but, hey, it's still a start rite? OK... I know what I'm supposed to do but easier said than done.....
My journey in life have been very......ummmm..... I guess i can say adventurous. I started the year with my best friend's first year death anniversary. He passed away last year on 27Th January. Now, this was the change that i was talking about. Since his death, i could not talk about him to anyone. I found it extremely annoying when people asked me about him.
Then, today morning i decided it's time to let go. That's what my good friend said. If u love someone, the best way to show it is by letting them go. So, I'm trying to let go.
I knew Jay since i was 10. We were best friend but worst enemy. We compete for everything. We were rivals when it comes to competition but best friends when it came to sticking up for each other. We knew the relationship we had was special but then again when you are in primary school those things doesn't really strike that much.
We left primary school to separate secondary school. We lost contact once i entered SAB. We were busy with our own life. Trying our level best in a world that was really challenging. It was hard for me as i had a hard time trusting anyone in my life. All the betrayals that was presented to me, my heart refused to except those who were actually cared about me.
Me and Jay kept in touch and he became the person i cry to. He always told me this line that was really annoying. "Look at the bright side". He was always positive. He knew exactly who he was.
We lost touch for sometime as i got busy for SPM. Then, end of 2005 i received the call. The call that i sometime selfishly hoped i didn't answer it at all. It was from my primary school teacher calling to tell me that Jay was admitted. What is the first thing that you do when you find out that your best friend is sick in hospital and asking to see you?
After that day, my journey in life took a different turn. I spent each and every moment that i had with him. We became close, like we used too. He said things that made feel like a small girl. I was happy. Really happy for the first time. But his health continued to deteriorate. One stage he couldn't walk anymore. I used lie down on the hospital bed with him. We spend most of our time talking and planning our future together.
He couldn't talk properly anymore. He can't keep his food down either. I saw every single moment as his life was sucked out of him. Then again, whenever I'm there, he will give me a smile that will warm my heart.
Two days before he passed away i saw him. We talked for longer than usual. Surprisingly, the nurses didn't chase me away. We said things to each other that i will take it to the grave with me.
One day before, i called his hand phone but no one answered. He was in coma.
27th JANUARY 2006. It was a Friday. I was in my chemistry tuition class when i got the call. I thought it was him. Excitedly i ran outside. I answered. It was not him. It was his mother weeping in the phone.
According to Hindu ritual, a person cant be buried on Friday. I went to his house on Friday to 'visit' him. I stood at the entrance. I was really scared. I didn't want to go. I wanted to leave. The mother came running outside. She called me in. THERE HE WAS.
Lying there motionless.......
I couldn't get myself to go to his funeral the next day. How are you supposed to see the person that you love to be put into a coffin and taken away?
The first life changing experience in my journey.........
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