Avril Lavigne When You're Gone Lyrics

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie

Is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

I never felt this way before

Everything that I do

Reminds me of you

And the clothes you left

They lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were

Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

Yeah

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

And When you're gone

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

mMm

Under the weather......

I'm feeling sick now... Haih... It's my asthma. I did not have asthma for the longest time and now it came back again. My movement is really restricted. But, then again, i'm resting as much as i can and catch up on my studies.

Everybody keep asking me am i stressed? But the truth is i was way more stressed in form 6 compared to now..... So, wat happened ah? Only god knows.

I'm waiting for a call from an important person now. Haih...... I hate waiting. Make me feel soooo frustrated and i hate people waiting for me also. Then again, all anger melts once the call comes. HAHAHAHA...... Can't help it rite??? Soft hearted.........

Ok.... Gotta go. Need to settle alot of things and need to get well really soon. How can a medical student can be this sick? haih.................

Ths is Indonesia.......

These are my friends and his mother. Can see us freezing????????? Cold.........

With my love!!!! The place is super cold!! We were freezing actually But the waterfall is amazing. It was so high and really beautiful!!!!

This was taken in Batu. It's an Apple farm...... I look Hot eh?????? Panas!!!!!!

I know!!!! It's been really LOOOONG.......

Wow!! I can't beleive it but it's already has been 2 months since i came to Indonesia. I just moved into my new room. It's really nice. A big space with attached bathroom and everything. Things are going well. But i'm really busy with assignments. They give a lot of homework!!! But i have to admit. The Indonesian students are really hardworking.

I walk pass the anatomy lab everyday. Sometimes i get to see fresh bodies just lying on the table. It's creepy but i'm more curious than scared. I just want to touch and see....... Haha......

Anyway, i'm studying back what i did in form 6, so doing ok actually. Not going back for Raya though. Imigration problems. Haih....... It's ok. I'll celebrate Raya here!!!! For now, i'm just super busy with everything. Don't have much time to enjoy everything but i'm still enjoying the people here..... The Malaysian seniors are really nice. They do take care of us THE JUNIORS!!

But will be bullied continuosly until the next batch comes in. Till then we r the scapegoat almost everything!!!!! Junnies Rulez!!!!! Haha.....

Miss my friends though. Kalai, if u r reading this, I MISS U SOOO MUCH AND WISH U R HERE WITH ME. but don worry. i'll always remember ur advises!!!

Carrie!!!!!!! We'll chat more ok????

Yvonne......... So lovey dovey d ah?? How's college? Anyway, i'm happy for u.... Take care....

I need to go now. My public health and biochem homework still lying on the table.

ok. Till next time..... bye bye...

It's really cold here......

Hello everybody!!!!!!! It's my second week in Indonesia but still haven't started any orientation classes!!............ Haih......

Anyway, i'm having fun walking around Malang town and looking like a complete freak cause everybody keep staring at me!!!! I guess they never seen an Indian like me before. You know....... The hot and gorgeous type......... Haha.......

It gets really cold here at night!! I'm wearing socks and jacket at night which i never....... My father sent my laptop d!!!!! Haha..... Blogging with my laptop la..... But its DAMN boring now cause we have to wait for the other students to arrive as well........

Right now i'm in my Ibu asuh @ ibu angkat's house with three other girls.... The first 1 is KOMALA...... Small, petite girl but looks can be really deceiving!!!!!!!
Then there is SARAH....... Sarah and me have many things in common including checking out all the guys and eliminating the ugly ones............
Last but not least is the HOT NAIFAH...... Man, she is hot........... Then again looks still can be deceiving............

OK!!!! I got to go.... I'll update u guys later la. Maybe i'll insert some pictures. Will u give u an idea of what i'm blogging about.........

I'm in INDONESIA!!!!!!!

Hello everybody!!!! I'm in Indonesia now...... Man, my perception of this country completely changed la!!!! Its not what i expected. Even though Malang town is small its really nice and have all the facility!!! I'm in CC now which is in the Campus!!!! Then, i went shopping at their shopping mall called MATOS @ MALANG TOWN SQUARE!!!! Huge shopping mall!!!!!! I watched Transformers at their theatre. By the way, THE MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD!!!!!!

Now, I'm staying with ibu angkat who is super nice!!!!! Her house is really BIG!!!!!!!! My house mates r really good. But I'm missing home la!!!!!! Miss my mom and her cooking alot. Miss Indian Food alot!!!!!! I wanna eat idli and tosai!!!! Its OK!! I'm in 1 of the prestigious uni in Indonesia so I'm proud to be here.....

OK!!!!! I have to go...... That's all the time i have. Till next time....... CIAO!!!!!!!!!

Bye Everybody!!!!!

Well, i'll be leaving in few hours time. Just wanted to do my last blog before i fly to indonesia!!!! I'm all packed and kept alL the things already!!! Had dinner with my family just now. Feeling really sad at the same time excited. Dunno what's installed for me!!


Good luck to everybody and take care of urselves!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO EVERYBODY!!!!!!



SORRY for not posting for sooo long!!!!! Well i have been SUPER BUSY this past month!!!!!!

Haih.......... Started to say good bye to my friends and distant relatives........ I feel really sad but for some reason i can't cry!! Weird right???? Mom was like, " UR AUNTY IS CRYING AND U R SO RELAXED AND ASKING HER TO RELAX??????????????" hahahaha........ I could only laugh at her comment. I seriously told my aunty not to worry and I'll visit whenever i come down to Malaysia.......

I saw Carrie and Bak today. I said my good bye's to them. Just in case i won't see them before i leave. Man..........., it's starting to get me saying all this good bye's. I'll see Kalai soon and have the Pizza Hut lunch we always had. I love to have that lunch with her. We'll talk about everything while having our favourite Pizza!!! It gives us both clarity about life and where we are right now. I MISS HER ALOT!!!!

I'm going to watch a Tamil movie with my Mom!!! Shivaji The Boss!!!! I'm not really a big fan of Tamil movies as its always long and my butt will start to hurt!!! But this movie was rated five star and a MUST WATCH MOVIE!!!!

Most of my things are packed. Just left somethings like clothes that I'm still using and shoes!!! HAHA...... I'm taking 6 pairs of shoes!!!! I know...... That's alot!!!! But what to do??? I'm a Shoe-a-holic!!!!!! But i still have alot of things to do!!!!

I'm really going to miss Malaysian food!!! They say there is no Roti Canai or Nasi Lemak!!!! haih........ It's ok la!!! I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!

I need to go!! Lots of things to do. But I'll keep on blogging until 30Th June!!! I'll be leaving on 1st July so it'll take me a while to get to know the place and adjust!!!!

Bye bye.............

What Hurts the Most?

I was online every single day but couldn't get myself to sit and update my blog. I was not really in a mood to do so. I'm really sad. My heart feels so heavy. Normally, at this time i'll break down and cry. But for some reason, this time, things are different. I can't cry. It's not like i don't want to cry but i just can't cry.

It's like my tears had dried up. I sat at my favourite balcony and was staring at the sky for soo long. I realised how alone i felt. I know i'm surrounded by family and great friends but i feel so lonely. I think i'm lonely because of my attitude of not wanting to add salt to a wound. I don't want people around me to feel the pain that i feel. I like to make people happy. I like to make them smile. Then again, sometimes i, myself forget to smile.

Ever felt like wanting to run away to some where far far away???? That's exactly what i feel. I want to run away to the fairy tale land that the story books tell. I want to run away to a land where a fairy god mother can change me to a beautiful princess........

My aunty told me that i'm only 19 and i should be enjoying life. I should be going out with boys and party until late night. Not sit at home and worry about things that i'm worrying about right now. But this is me. I can't simply pass the responsibility about my life to someone and fool around with other people!!!!!! It's my fucking life.......

I changed a lot compared to who i was before. I was told war in life can change even a stone hearted man. But the thing is i didn't change from a stone hearted person to someone who is sensitive about the surrounding. It's actually vice verse. I have became so much stronger. Mom said i'm so strong until i don't even realise the magnitude of my strength. She pointed the fact that people might be afraid of you because of your attitude of facing everything heads on.

Then again, i'm tired of changing myself for other people. I don't understand why people can't accept the real me but expect me to accept the real them. IS THIS WORLD THAT SELFISH?? WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES ONLY???

I can't be angry at the world. But the main thing i have changed for the better. I like who i am now. OR DO I??? I don't know. I'll never know. At times i just wish someone will tell me what's going on and what i should do......... CAN YOU TELL ME?????

What Do You Do When You Have A Crush on Someone????

I HATE HAVING A CRUSH ON SOMEONE!!!!!

OK!!! That might be a bit extreme but i do find it hard when i have a crush on someone!!!! Those who are close to me knows that i'm a very poised person that don't really loose my cool that easily and i won't run out of things to say!!!!!!

But.......... When i'm around a person that i have a crush on, i seem to mutate into a very shy and quite person!!!!!! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!! KASTHURI BEING SHY???????? IT'S LIKE CHOCOLATE BEING GREEN!!!!!!!!

Haih........ Normally, i'll have so many things to say that i'll plan everything in my head. Then, i'll see the person's face and all i want to do is RUN TOWARDS THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!!!

IS IT NORMAL TO BE LIKE THAT??? The last time i remember, i almost scared my crush out off his mind by talking to him VERY LOUDLY!!!!!! It's not like i planned to do it but i just TERTALKED like that!!!!!

It's official!!!!! I'm going to be THE WEIRDEST CRUSH IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Obese Assassin. Where You Lived: Australia. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Guess What's My RAPPER NAME?????

Your Rapper Name Is...

Almighty Kat

What's Your Rapper Name?

THe Swing.......

Yesterday i followed my mom to her friend's house. As i was about to walk into her house i realised there was a swing in front of her house.....

Now, i dunno about you but it had been ages since the last time i sat on a swing. My inner child was itching to come out. I went to the aunty's house first. Said hello and sat there for a while. Then, using the hot weather as an excuse, i went outside straight to the swing.

I sat and started to swing.......... It was an experience that i can't explain in words. Suddenly, i felt like all my problems were lifted off my shoulders. I felt like a child again. As i swinged higher and higher all my long lost childhood memory came back.....

WHAT A JOY IT WAS USED TO BE???????

We play around without caring about the world. We were in our own world. IT WAS SAFE AND SECURE.

Sitting on the swing brought back all the childhood memories........ At this point of my life, being weighed down by all my problems, it was really releiving to have that moment on the swing.

I FELT REALLY PEACEFUL.......

A FEELING THAT I DIDN'T HAVE FOR A LONG TIME............

ANGER!!!!!!!!!

Now, what do you do when you get really angry??? Not just a simple brief anger or traffic jam anger but really really angry to the max!!!!!!!

I was really angry just now and i'm still angry as i write this blog. I feel so frustrated to the fact that some people just don't care about other people's feelings!!!! Most of all, i feel so frustrated over human being's ability to be SELFISH!!!!!

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE, JUST FOR A SECOND, THINK ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND THEM B4 DOING SOMETHINGS???? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE REALISE THE MAGNITUDE OF THEIR SELFISH ACTION AGAINST OTHERS????

I, on the other hand constantly think about other's well being b4 i make a decision...... When i'm presented with a problem, i try my level best to solve it without hurting anybody. I'm sure all of you know that solving a problem without hurting any of the people involved is a hard work and needs alot of THINKING!!

The moment i turn around, i realise that this person trying to get out of the problem by hurting every single person on his way!!!!!!!! How do you think that makes ME feel???? Here i am, going the extra mile to make sure everybody is peaceful at the end of the day, just to have it destroyed by a single SELFISH PERSON??????

I'm not saying i don't have a flaw but COME ON!!!!! How can you do that to your own family???
Sometimes i just want OUT. I don't want to be a part of it anymore..... But, then again, this is who i am!!!

HOW I WISH I HAVE A MACHINE THAT CAN ZAP EVERY SINGLE ONE OF SELFISH PEOPLE OUT OF THIS PLANET AND PUT THEM IN A SAME PLANET???? I'LL CALL IT PLANET IDIOTS!!!!!! LET'S SEE HOW THEY CAN SURVIVE WITH BEING SELFISH!!!!

HOW WELL DO U KNOW ME???

Haha.... My dearest friend YIFIE made me take friend test.... Now, in this area i'm really good!!! I took this test in my friends blog too... ( BAK'S BLOG!!!! )... And i'm still the high scorer... NOBODY COULD OVERCOME MY SCORE!!!!!! haha.....

When i took miss YIFIE'S friend's test...... GUESS WHAT?????...... I was the top scorer!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA...... I scored 83% and got only 2 wrongs!!!!!!

I guess i know her really well.... I'm the type of person who really pays attention to the small details about my close friends... I feel the SMALLEST THING THAT MATTERS THE MOST!!!!!

Let's see who can beat me!!!!!!! hahahahaha...... (EVIL LAUGHTER)

I GOT TAGGED!!!!!!!

haha..... i got tagged by YVONNE AKA YIFIE!!!!!!! How could she do that to me????? Actually i'm glad she did!!!!! hahahaha..... OK... Here goes....

5 THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG.......

1. My lovely handphone which was a gift from my dad for my birthday last year.....
2. My wallet that i bought in Sunway Pyramid with Carrie, Kalai and Bak......
3. My lipstick and compact powder which my mom insist that every girl has to have it in their bag.......
4. One cents coins that i chuck inside my bag every time i come out of KFC or MCDONALD'S...
5. And........ TISSUE!!!!! U HAVE TO HAVE TISSUE!!!!!!!

5 THINGS FOUND INSIDE YOUR PURSE/WALLET.....

1. My cash that seems to disappear every time i step out of a shopping mall..hmmmm.....
2. My IC which i will be in jail if i don have it with me.... haha.... BANGLA KA????
3. My LICENSE which i forget to take sometimes due to memory dysfunction. Lucky police never stop at that time......
4. A god picture that my mom kept for safety purposes..... MAY GOD BE WITH U......
5. hmmmm..... I think got lots of receipt to remind me that most probably i'm broke.... haih..

5 FAVOURITE THINGS IN MY ROOM..........

1. MY LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!
2. My WORLD'S MOST COMFORTABLE BED!!!!!
3. My CD player.....
4. My cloths that is all over the place that my mom faints every time she opens the door.... haha......
5. The balcony!!! I'm lucky that my room comes with the balcony. Most of my time is spent there day dreaming and watching the rain..........

5 THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.....

1. I always wanted to go BUNGEE JUMPING!!!!! WEEEEEE!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!! ( i'm scared of height though! )
2. Meet JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!!!!!! I'm in love with him.....
3. Go camping in the woods with Kalai and the gang.....
4. BACKPACK AROUND THE WORLD!!!!! THE ULTIMATE DREAM!!!!!
5. Join the Doctors Without Borders.......

5 THINGS U R CURRENTLY INTO........

1. my LAPTOP!!!!
2. Blogging thanks to miss blog, YVONNE!!!!
3. Partying with my cousins.....
4. Shopping for cloths and shoes.... When am i not into that..... Going bankrupt.....haha.....
5. Watching PRISON BREAK!!!!!! It is so interesting that i didn't even miss 1 episode....

5 PEOPLE U WILL TAG....

1. Sharmini!!!!!! U'r it.... haha....
2. Bak!!!!!! HAHAHAHA......
3. Tommy......
4. ASH....
5. Last but not least miss....... KALAI!!!!!! GOTCHA!!!!!

LOOOOOOONG DAY........

Haih.......

Today was a long day. Went to the Indonesian Embassy to seat for entrance exam.....

IT WAS TOUGH LA!!!!!!! It's like doing STPM all over again. Haih....... Well, wait and see what happens next.

But tomorrow IS A NEW DAY!!!!!!! I'm so excited because i'm going to SHOP TILL I DROP with my best friend in the whole wide world, KALAISELVI.....

We are going for JUSCO sales in Maluri.... Both of us have been saving up for this sale.... At last!!!!! GOING TO FINISH UP ALL THE MONEY........

Maybe will go and visit YVONNE... ASK her to make some drinks for us..... She made an excellent HOT CHOCOLATE!!!!!!



kalai and me when we went to visit YIFIE...

Friends...

WHAT DOES FRIENDS MEAN TO YOU?
Try asking this question to yourself and think about the answers u come up with......

All the people that i met and fortunate enough to make them as my friend played a major role in my quest of building my personality. In other words, they helped me to create the identity that i have now.

But through out the journey of my life i lost some of my friends because of my own doings. There were certain people that i had hurt their feelings. They were so hurt that they developed a hatred towards me. I regret for my action. I wish i was more patient. I wish i had more tolerance.

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER.....
That's what happened to me. I realised that there is no use in crying over spilled milk. I decided that i will never take any of my friends for granted. I still hold on to that decision until this day. I learned to treat every 1 of my friend with grave respect and realised that's its OK to go extra mile to help them out.

THEY thought the same as well. To my surprise they too went extra mile to help me. THIS IS HOW THE WORLD WORKS!!!! From then onwards friends means a lot to me. They are part of mt life and journey of self discovery. In the process i met some of the BEST PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT GUIDED ME WITH LOVE AND CARE.

I still do regret for loosing all the friends but if i didn't loose them I WOULDN'T FOUND ALL THIS PEOPLE WHO R CURRENTLY IN MY LIFE!! I wish to say sorry to those i might have hurt and hope that i can be part of their lives.

TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE RIGHT NOW, THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME IN YOUR LIFE AND SHOWING ME THE WORLD DOES CARE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CARE AND HOPE OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL BE FOREVER!!!

We are just ordinary people.......

This is my all time favorite song.... It helps me to realise that sometimes it's ok to make mistakes. We are just ordinary people. Sometime we will succeed and sometime we will crash and burn.... But it doesn't matter, as long as we try our level best in anything that we do....
Hope it will inspire you too....

John Legend Ordinary People Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you

This ain't the honeymoon

Past the infatuation phase

Right in the thick of love

At times we get sick of love

It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work

But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people

We don't know which way to go'cause we're ordinary people

Maybe we should take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no

No fairy tale conclusion ya'll

It gets more confusing everyday

Sometimes it's heaven sent

Then we head back to hell again

We kiss and we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call

We rise and we fall

And we feel like just walking away

As our love advances

We take second chances

Though it's not a fantasy

I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people

We don't know which way to go'cause we're ordinary people

Maybe we should take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow

Maybe we'll live and learn

Maybe we'll crash and burn

Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return

Maybe another fight

,Maybe we won't survive

But maybe we'll grow

We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people

We don't know which way to go

(hey)'cause we're ordinary people

Maybe we should take it slow

(Heyyy)

We're just ordinary people

We don't know which way to go'cause we're ordinary people

Maybe we should take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slow

(Take it slow oh oh ohh)

This time we'll take it slowtake it sloww

take it slow this time we'll take it slowtake

WHAT'S WRONG BEING SINGLE????

That's my question? What's wrong with staying single? I mean wherever i go I'm constantly served with teenagers walking hand in hand every where.... OK... I understand if you are saying that you met the right person and you are in love and all..

But I'm talking about when the so called 'LOVE' wears off and reality checks in. Then, the break up comes and all hell breaks loose.....You decide to break up when thing gets to hard to handle and you cant feel the chemistry anymore... Few weeks later you holding hands with someone else.. I mean why not give yourself sometime and enjoy the new found freedom?

I asked this question to my friend and she said that it is very lonely without a man by your side... Oh, come on!!! You were not born with your boyfriend stuck to your hand!!! If you are 20, than you spent 3/4 of your life alone without a boyfriend!!!! How did you live your life then???

I feel its unfair to jump into a relationship just because you are lonely. What you got to offer your partner is just an empty space that you are hoping that he/she can fill it for you.... Is it fair if you partner wants you to fill his loneliness only?... For me, in a relationship, i want to share everything... happiness, sadness, laughter, tears, everything!!!!

I like the fact of staying single... You can go wherever you want, anytime you want. Don't need to tell anybody or even feel guilty that you are having fun even though the special someone is not with you. AND the best part is that you can discover yourself and learn to be YOURSELF!!!! You DON'T NEED TO CHANGE FOR ANYONE! You are who you are!!!

STAYING SINGLE ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!

My FrIEnDs.....

" What you miss the most from school?", my cousin asked me. I didn't need to think twice to answer. I definitely miss my friends. I loved school alot... I can see some of you rolling your eyes but i did love school alot. I always looked forward to go, mainly because i know I'll see all my friends.

First thing I'll pick up Viwashine from her place. I'll get a warm good morning. She'll be with her book that will remind me of my aim at that time. Viwa's always punctual. I make sure to get to her place on time.

Then we will go to Kalai's place. Well, we do have to wait awhile sometimes.... You know Kalai... Not a big fan in going to school. I understood that and normally i dint really mind waiting. I respect her for who she is and except her in a whole... including her flaws.....

The next stop will be school. When we reach school I'll park next 2 Bak and Carrie. I will wish both of them from the car and catch up with things that happened the previous day. Sometimes Carrie's aunt will send delicious cakes and food. Now , that, i really look forward to... haha...

Normally we will stay in the car and wait until 7.20 am. Then we will leave to the TAMEK. There, Sharmini and Ashweni will be chatting away waiting for us. Then there will be 1 big group chatting loudly until Mrs.Cheng needs to step in. Hehe.... We were naughty!!!!

Tommy will be standing behind me. We will say hi and fill in with each other on any important things. Then, the classroom.......

I sit in between Sharu and Tommy. I love disturbing both of them. Tommy has a weak point at his waist and i love pocking him there. He will react with a jump... Hahaha... I like disturb sharu by taking her pictures. She dont like taking pictures......

David Cheah Chi Yee was my husband. Haha... So called husband. It was a joke that circulated for no apparent reason. Hmmmm..... Well, i liked disturbing him anyway.... He is a really wise person that i really respected. So, more reason to disturb him....

Then there was THE ONE AND ONLY CHEE GUAN!!! i LOVE TO DISTURB HIM THE MOST. He was really cool to talk to and fool around with.... He was really helpful and BELIEVE IT OR NOT, HE DOES GOSSIP WITH US......

I really enjoyed school a lot. It was a place i knew i will never be alone. I was surrounded with friends who cared about me. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE SCHOOL WILL ALWAYS BE A SPECIAL PLACE FOR ME.....

When The First Journey in Life is DEATH..

Today is the official New Year for the Indians. Today, i woke up thinking that i have to make some changes in my life before starting fresh. I know it sounds weird to star fresh in April but, hey, it's still a start rite? OK... I know what I'm supposed to do but easier said than done.....

My journey in life have been very......ummmm..... I guess i can say adventurous. I started the year with my best friend's first year death anniversary. He passed away last year on 27Th January. Now, this was the change that i was talking about. Since his death, i could not talk about him to anyone. I found it extremely annoying when people asked me about him.

Then, today morning i decided it's time to let go. That's what my good friend said. If u love someone, the best way to show it is by letting them go. So, I'm trying to let go.

I knew Jay since i was 10. We were best friend but worst enemy. We compete for everything. We were rivals when it comes to competition but best friends when it came to sticking up for each other. We knew the relationship we had was special but then again when you are in primary school those things doesn't really strike that much.

We left primary school to separate secondary school. We lost contact once i entered SAB. We were busy with our own life. Trying our level best in a world that was really challenging. It was hard for me as i had a hard time trusting anyone in my life. All the betrayals that was presented to me, my heart refused to except those who were actually cared about me.

Me and Jay kept in touch and he became the person i cry to. He always told me this line that was really annoying. "Look at the bright side". He was always positive. He knew exactly who he was.

We lost touch for sometime as i got busy for SPM. Then, end of 2005 i received the call. The call that i sometime selfishly hoped i didn't answer it at all. It was from my primary school teacher calling to tell me that Jay was admitted. What is the first thing that you do when you find out that your best friend is sick in hospital and asking to see you?

After that day, my journey in life took a different turn. I spent each and every moment that i had with him. We became close, like we used too. He said things that made feel like a small girl. I was happy. Really happy for the first time. But his health continued to deteriorate. One stage he couldn't walk anymore. I used lie down on the hospital bed with him. We spend most of our time talking and planning our future together.

He couldn't talk properly anymore. He can't keep his food down either. I saw every single moment as his life was sucked out of him. Then again, whenever I'm there, he will give me a smile that will warm my heart.

Two days before he passed away i saw him. We talked for longer than usual. Surprisingly, the nurses didn't chase me away. We said things to each other that i will take it to the grave with me.

One day before, i called his hand phone but no one answered. He was in coma.

27th JANUARY 2006. It was a Friday. I was in my chemistry tuition class when i got the call. I thought it was him. Excitedly i ran outside. I answered. It was not him. It was his mother weeping in the phone.

According to Hindu ritual, a person cant be buried on Friday. I went to his house on Friday to 'visit' him. I stood at the entrance. I was really scared. I didn't want to go. I wanted to leave. The mother came running outside. She called me in. THERE HE WAS.

Lying there motionless.......

I couldn't get myself to go to his funeral the next day. How are you supposed to see the person that you love to be put into a coffin and taken away?

The first life changing experience in my journey.........