What Hurts the Most?

I was online every single day but couldn't get myself to sit and update my blog. I was not really in a mood to do so. I'm really sad. My heart feels so heavy. Normally, at this time i'll break down and cry. But for some reason, this time, things are different. I can't cry. It's not like i don't want to cry but i just can't cry.

It's like my tears had dried up. I sat at my favourite balcony and was staring at the sky for soo long. I realised how alone i felt. I know i'm surrounded by family and great friends but i feel so lonely. I think i'm lonely because of my attitude of not wanting to add salt to a wound. I don't want people around me to feel the pain that i feel. I like to make people happy. I like to make them smile. Then again, sometimes i, myself forget to smile.

Ever felt like wanting to run away to some where far far away???? That's exactly what i feel. I want to run away to the fairy tale land that the story books tell. I want to run away to a land where a fairy god mother can change me to a beautiful princess........

My aunty told me that i'm only 19 and i should be enjoying life. I should be going out with boys and party until late night. Not sit at home and worry about things that i'm worrying about right now. But this is me. I can't simply pass the responsibility about my life to someone and fool around with other people!!!!!! It's my fucking life.......

I changed a lot compared to who i was before. I was told war in life can change even a stone hearted man. But the thing is i didn't change from a stone hearted person to someone who is sensitive about the surrounding. It's actually vice verse. I have became so much stronger. Mom said i'm so strong until i don't even realise the magnitude of my strength. She pointed the fact that people might be afraid of you because of your attitude of facing everything heads on.

Then again, i'm tired of changing myself for other people. I don't understand why people can't accept the real me but expect me to accept the real them. IS THIS WORLD THAT SELFISH?? WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES ONLY???

I can't be angry at the world. But the main thing i have changed for the better. I like who i am now. OR DO I??? I don't know. I'll never know. At times i just wish someone will tell me what's going on and what i should do......... CAN YOU TELL ME?????

What Do You Do When You Have A Crush on Someone????

I HATE HAVING A CRUSH ON SOMEONE!!!!!

OK!!! That might be a bit extreme but i do find it hard when i have a crush on someone!!!! Those who are close to me knows that i'm a very poised person that don't really loose my cool that easily and i won't run out of things to say!!!!!!

But.......... When i'm around a person that i have a crush on, i seem to mutate into a very shy and quite person!!!!!! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!! KASTHURI BEING SHY???????? IT'S LIKE CHOCOLATE BEING GREEN!!!!!!!!

Haih........ Normally, i'll have so many things to say that i'll plan everything in my head. Then, i'll see the person's face and all i want to do is RUN TOWARDS THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!!!!!

IS IT NORMAL TO BE LIKE THAT??? The last time i remember, i almost scared my crush out off his mind by talking to him VERY LOUDLY!!!!!! It's not like i planned to do it but i just TERTALKED like that!!!!!

It's official!!!!! I'm going to be THE WEIRDEST CRUSH IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Obese Assassin. Where You Lived: Australia. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Guess What's My RAPPER NAME?????

Your Rapper Name Is...

Almighty Kat

What's Your Rapper Name?

THe Swing.......

Yesterday i followed my mom to her friend's house. As i was about to walk into her house i realised there was a swing in front of her house.....

Now, i dunno about you but it had been ages since the last time i sat on a swing. My inner child was itching to come out. I went to the aunty's house first. Said hello and sat there for a while. Then, using the hot weather as an excuse, i went outside straight to the swing.

I sat and started to swing.......... It was an experience that i can't explain in words. Suddenly, i felt like all my problems were lifted off my shoulders. I felt like a child again. As i swinged higher and higher all my long lost childhood memory came back.....

WHAT A JOY IT WAS USED TO BE???????

We play around without caring about the world. We were in our own world. IT WAS SAFE AND SECURE.

Sitting on the swing brought back all the childhood memories........ At this point of my life, being weighed down by all my problems, it was really releiving to have that moment on the swing.

I FELT REALLY PEACEFUL.......

A FEELING THAT I DIDN'T HAVE FOR A LONG TIME............

ANGER!!!!!!!!!

Now, what do you do when you get really angry??? Not just a simple brief anger or traffic jam anger but really really angry to the max!!!!!!!

I was really angry just now and i'm still angry as i write this blog. I feel so frustrated to the fact that some people just don't care about other people's feelings!!!! Most of all, i feel so frustrated over human being's ability to be SELFISH!!!!!

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE, JUST FOR A SECOND, THINK ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND THEM B4 DOING SOMETHINGS???? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE REALISE THE MAGNITUDE OF THEIR SELFISH ACTION AGAINST OTHERS????

I, on the other hand constantly think about other's well being b4 i make a decision...... When i'm presented with a problem, i try my level best to solve it without hurting anybody. I'm sure all of you know that solving a problem without hurting any of the people involved is a hard work and needs alot of THINKING!!

The moment i turn around, i realise that this person trying to get out of the problem by hurting every single person on his way!!!!!!!! How do you think that makes ME feel???? Here i am, going the extra mile to make sure everybody is peaceful at the end of the day, just to have it destroyed by a single SELFISH PERSON??????

I'm not saying i don't have a flaw but COME ON!!!!! How can you do that to your own family???
Sometimes i just want OUT. I don't want to be a part of it anymore..... But, then again, this is who i am!!!

HOW I WISH I HAVE A MACHINE THAT CAN ZAP EVERY SINGLE ONE OF SELFISH PEOPLE OUT OF THIS PLANET AND PUT THEM IN A SAME PLANET???? I'LL CALL IT PLANET IDIOTS!!!!!! LET'S SEE HOW THEY CAN SURVIVE WITH BEING SELFISH!!!!

HOW WELL DO U KNOW ME???

Haha.... My dearest friend YIFIE made me take friend test.... Now, in this area i'm really good!!! I took this test in my friends blog too... ( BAK'S BLOG!!!! )... And i'm still the high scorer... NOBODY COULD OVERCOME MY SCORE!!!!!! haha.....

When i took miss YIFIE'S friend's test...... GUESS WHAT?????...... I was the top scorer!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA...... I scored 83% and got only 2 wrongs!!!!!!

I guess i know her really well.... I'm the type of person who really pays attention to the small details about my close friends... I feel the SMALLEST THING THAT MATTERS THE MOST!!!!!

Let's see who can beat me!!!!!!! hahahahaha...... (EVIL LAUGHTER)